Overwhelming Force
Every so often, I feel an overwhelming urge to write. I mean, I love to write and I want to write all of the time. But this is a soul-crushing, heart-stopping force that will NOT let up until I write. Sometimes, like now, it doesn’t matter what I write, so long as I write. Other times the force has a specific thing in mind.
Very similar to this is the urge to settle back into my old(ish) self. To settle back in with the same crowd, doing the same old stuff and watch my life on rotation. Social networking sites do NOT help fight the urge. I’ll get friend requests from old friends and I randomly see posts from the few people I haven’t deleted even though I never talk to them or run into them on the street.
While it is true that everyone is capable of changing (for better or worse), I don’t know that I am in a position to want to find out. So how do you fight the urge to fall into who you used to be?
21 responses to “Overwhelming Force”
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The Ramblings of a Young Writer 
We all struggle with that, Ida. I’m more than twice your age (ewww…that sounds old) and I’m still striving to be more than who I’ve always been. The trick, I think, is to list your goals for the next year and the next ten years. Then work on something that will help achieve those goals every day, however small..
As for your writing…just keep writing! That’s what writers do, they write! Take care.
Thanks for your advice. I’ll have to give it a try.
Its very difficult to be someone very different. I guess its possible if there is a certain commitment. Like, if you take up some projects with a deadline, then there will be pressure to do additional work and you’ll end up being more efficient. So, external factors do play their bit in changing us.
This is true, external factors do have their role. I guess my big question is what can people do to keep themselves motivated to become who they want to be as a person?
It is something everyone struggles with. I know that I am not the same person I was thirty years ago. Gradually I have made changes over the years that stuck. I used to constantly loose my temper over things. Now I have learned to pick my battles.
I have a strong urge to write that I must follow. Sometimes it is simply sitting down with a notebook and pen and just writing non stop until I have said all that I want to at that time. I have also had a strong urge over the years to paint and sketch. Those creative outlets have to flow in order to lead a productive life.
I guess the best thing to do if you want to make changes is just pick one and stick with it for awhile. If you are trying to improve your diet try adding a new food each day or week what ever works for you. Most of all don’t get to uptight about it and it will happen gradually. Try to make it a normal part of your life.
Keep up the writing if that is a natural process in your life.
How do you, personally, keep from getting lazy about your changes? Even if it’s something someone is committed to, everyone stumbles along the way. So how do you keep your course?
That’s true…we all do change with time, some changes are natural and some are induced and I agree so much with ‘mhembroff’ that changes need to be inculcated in a subtle way. But still it’s always better to be the 1st rate version of yourself rather than being a 2nd rate version of someone else.
My grandma always says something very similar to that. She says she’d rather be teased for who she is than to be loved for being who people want her to be.
Hey, Ida. I came across your blog from wordpress.org somehow. I really feel you on how you want to write ALL the time. I feel the same way. I have to write everything that’s in my mind or else I would go crazy.
I used to be obsessed with changing myself and saw flaws in myself that I didn’t like. After years of fighting against myself, I have accepted myself for who I am, which is still in progress, and I have been feeling much better about myself.
Everyone feels different on changing themselves. Why do you feel the need to change and what would you want to change about yourself?
I feel the same way about writing. And when I can’t write something down it drives me nuts until I can.
As for change, it’s not that I want to change myself. It’s that I have changed through growing up, becoming more mature and living through different experiences. I like the person I’ve become and wish to continue on this path. I don’t want to fall back into old habits, old crowds and old actions. If that makes any sense.
My biggest challenges are related to eating and making sure I exercise on a regular basis. Conscious, healthy choices are key to me staying on a continuum. Sometimes it’s as simple as brushing my teeth early. By doing so I tell myself, “This is a choice,” often voicing those words aloud to the mirror.
I’m almost at my third year of the continuum. Never made it past twelve months in the past.
Best wishes and keep writing!
Congratulations on making it past twelve months. =] Thanks for sharing your stor and for the well-wishes.
The “overwhelming force” is death. The minute we are born, we begin to decay. Now that is very depressing and I am sure at 21 you think you are far from death. But, if you realize that left to our natural course or “overwhelming force” we will end up with little to show for the journey to death. If, however, you recognize what the “force” is and what its trying to do to you, you may have more success in being motivated to “overcome” it by putting in effort that is often hard but rewarding or denying self gratifying pleasures that are easy, but unproductive and temporary. Good luck in getting a handle on this and not letting your 20’s or 30’s go by with only a wish list to show for them. Death, disguised as Life, can lure you into complacency. I know I sound morbid but death is Life but typically ignored. Then when it arrives, we are often surprised because we did not prepare for it. Death should be our best motivator to success. Time’s a wasting….fight the “force” and get yourself determined not to sellout to it no matter how many times a day it presents itself.
That’s an interesting take on it. I wouldn’t have considered death to be the force I’m feeling, though it makes sense if you think about it. Biological clocks all over the world are ticking, so why not attribute it to that.
Thank you for your morbidity, as it is always welcome in any conversation I have with anyone, and for your unique outlook on the situation.
Hey girl!
I am 25 and going through this same thought process and as some of the other comments have revealed, it is something that keeps growing with you. New habits that you will begin may become old habits later on in life that you want to get rid of and start the whole process again. I can’t emphasis enough that goal setting, as someone already mentioned, is a great way to keep yourself accountable. Your already a lover of writing, so your pretty much halfway there. Now just keep a log of a 3, 5, and 10 year goal plan. Make sure to revisit it as often as possible. I recently found a 5 year goal plan that I had to write in a biz class of mine a few years back. Great think about it was I had accomplished all but a couple things and my 5 years isn’t even up yet! I can’t tell you how self fuffiling it was to know that I had kept true to what I wanted for myself.
Have your goals in a place where you see them everyday, especially if that goal is a habit you want to quit. Hope this helps! And one of the greatest and most comforting thing I’ve realized about “trying to be a better person” is that your not alone. 🙂
Thank you for the advice. It’s great to know that, clearly, I am not alone in this internal battle. I will have to make time to consider and write out a list of goals for myself, since that seems to have helped a lot of people.
I read your post, thanks to Daily Post on WordPress and I must say that in this post, you’ve easily won me over. As for answering your question, it’s hard to give a general one. But for me, I still have those urges too but I guess time tells eventually. For me it was trial and error and one of the main things is it depends on how you thought about who you were as a person in the past–at least for me.
And I agree with you that social networking sites don’t help. Which is why I’ve limited my time on facebook. And while I was away from that site, at least it helped me explore myself when I was on a borderline transition from high school graduation to entering college. I just went out there and tried things, like looking up music, playing and tweaking my social styles, what do I want to gravitate to, and what do I want to keep at bay, etc.
I guess the best I can say is that it’s a learning process and people’s perspectives and strategies differ. For me, it was trial and error and exploring what works with maximizing my virtues and minimizing my vices from here on out.
Keep writing because like I said, you’ve definitely won me over. Consider me a follower.
–just another WP blogger.
Wow, I get the same way. When I have the urge to write, I need to write or else it won’t leave me alone.
A lot has happened to me in a year and I’ve changed because of it, but sometimes I want to drift back to who I was. Just one quick glance at what happened last year and I realize that I really don’t want to go back there. I’m content where I am and I just want to keep moving forward no matter how tough life gets.